The Week of Fun Returns!
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Oh, Week of Fun. How I have missed you. How all of Seattle has missed you.
Are you in Seattle, dear reader? Then you should check out the Week of Fun starting Thursday and running through next Wednesday. Full schedule is at www.weekoffun.com
I will be headlining on Saturday with the amazing Blood Squad, but will be making a few appearances on other shows as well.
Merry Xmas/Jewish Xmas!
Why Do I Keep Trying to Set My House on Fire?
A disadvantage of working from home: if you burn a building down, it will be the one you live in.
I was hosting a webcast from home this morning. This means, once I start talking to people online, I am working with them for 30-40 minutes continuously. I’m talkin’ about talking with my voice. There is no time to get up and check what that thing is that smells like a plastic fish roasting itself in battery acid. “Besides,” you think, “I’m right next to the fire alarm. If there were something bad outside my room, it would be going off!”
Oh, no. Not when your fire alarm is a slacker.
You see, I didn’t have time to eat between one webcast to another, so I threw some frozen veggies, nuts, and fake chicken in a bowl to microwave. This is my latest recipie, and it’s pretty good, when it doesn’t become the core of a thermonuclear reaction. I set the timer for three minutes, so that if I wasn’t able to eat it right away, it would still be defrosted and ready to warm up quickly when I was done.
I must have put too many digits into the microwave, because somehow it got set for… not three minutes… not thirty minutes… but three hundred minutes.
When I finally got to take a break and check out the smell, the house was filled with smoke, and the glass thingie in the bottom of the microwave was MOLTEN RED.
You can see the area where the bowl was so hot it BURNED OFF ITS OWN SOOT.
One question: who makes a microwave that can be set to three hundred minutes and doesn’t even give you enough digits on it to show you it’s been set that way? Somebody who deserves a butt kicking where I kick their butt with my butt! That’s who.
Despite having more smoke in my house than a house full of smoldering Smokey Robinsons, the fire alarm made not one peep, until I took it down to check the battery. Then it blared like a witch project.
Do you know who would eat these veggies? Satan would eat these veggies.
Only Satan.
(Actually, they’re kinda tasty. Try it!)
From now on I’ve decided to do the responsible thing to protect my housemates and will only be eating cold ice.
Goo Goo Goo Joob
They taught a WALRUS to play the SAX!
(Although I bet in his own mind he thinks he’s smoking a pipe.)